


The first breath of spring

by Anonymous



Category: League of Legends RPF
Genre: Abusive Jankos, Abusive Rekkles, Alternate Universe - Roommates/Housemates, Cutesy, Healing, Holding Hands, Hope, Hopeful Ending, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Sexual Harassment, M/M, Past Abuse, Past Violence, Platonic Cuddling, Sharing a Bed, Spring, Sweet
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-12
Updated: 2021-03-12
Packaged: 2021-03-20 10:28:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,045
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30003501
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: The first breath of spring calls for a change.
Relationships: Mihael "Mikyx" Mehle/Rasmus "Caps" Winther
Kudos: 19
Collections: Anonymous





	The first breath of spring

**Author's Note:**

> This fanfiction mentions past sexual abuse and past relationship abuse. If you feel uncomfortable reading about these topics, I suggest not to read this. I don't condone these behaviors in any way, I don't promote them and I am strongly against any form of abuse. I hope you enjoy reading.

The first breath of spring calls for a change.

The morning started to rise upon the landscape full of blossoming trees, releasing delicate sun rays that slithered through the curtains. Yellow and azure stripes covered the sky like an aurora. The day brightened itself with a fresh sign of an upcoming season of spring. A season of awakening. A season of everything coming back to life. It was early in the morning. Half-past four, maybe five, from Mihael’s guess. He was somewhat still sleeping and the chilly wind made him want to crawl up into himself again. Goosebumps overflowed the skin of his arms, as he felt the cool breath flying into the room through an open window. Hiding himself under the blanket, he pressed his head strongly against the pillow with a sigh on his lips. His attempt to separate his body from Rasmus wasn’t going great. They could still feel their backs in a vague amount of physical contact - God bless the fact they didn’t sleep shirtless. Despite having to deal with the sweaty, uncomfortable feeling of laying in bed with a shirt on, Mihael couldn’t stand being naked for such a long time. He couldn’t stand his body. The concept of having it. Looking at it made him grit his teeth in the urge to break down. It wasn’t physically damaged nor was it unattractive. It was scarred. His chest, his thighs, his neck and collarbones. He could feel these scars, deep inside him. Inside his guts, just like small pushes, whenever he didn’t want to remember about all the pain. Invisible, but he swore they were there when he looked in the mirror. Even when he laid down in bed, even when he took a shower. The fingerprints were still there, on his skin. They were impossible to wash off with water, they couldn't melt away and never come back again. Just like the memories. The snippets in his mind, ghost touches on his wrists, reminding him how hard he was held. How the spirit of all the good in him died, while someone moaned  _ such a cute nickname of his  _ right into his ear.  _ With that awful Polish accent. _ How it wasn’t his fault… but he could never be sure. And the fingerprints hurt, both in the means of physical pain and mental sorrow. The ugly, disgusting sorrow called shame.

Mihael got up, leaving the blanket behind, covering his mouth with his hand while he yawned. It felt like he’s breaking out of being cuffed to the bed, however still knowing that the awful sensation of being captured will come back again. His steps went around the room, as he had nothing much to do at such an early hour. Just as his hand reached the window’s handle, the sound of moving bed sheets could be heard.

“Hey… why aren’t you sleeping?”

A silent, sleepy growl broke out in the room. Mihael turned his eyes on the bed, seeing Rasmus slowly turn to the other side of their bed. Covered in a lot of blankets, the Dane rolled his legs up, bringing them to his chest. It seemed like he just woke up, with his eyes almost closed and his vision blurred. He couldn’t help to enjoy the hardly visible sight of his friend standing in the middle of a sunrise, dressed in sleeping shorts and an anime t-shirt. Hugging his blankets even tighter, Rasmus tried his best to smile, despite his muscles feeling weak due to such an unexpected wake-up call.

“Ah, sorry for waking you up,” Mihael reacted rather shyly, taking a tiny step back.

Winther’s sleeping schedule was something to respect, as he followed it strictly in concern for his health. Every time he woke up at a reasonable hour, every time he denied doing something against his will, every time he felt comfortable with telling someone what he really feels… he thought of himself as a phoenix. Rising from the despicable ashes he was left in, flying like a bird onto a new life. He knew what it was like to run away from the past. Perhaps that was what bonded him with Mihael so strongly. Their relationship was bearing a similar cross and late-night discussions under the moonlight, touching each other by accident, watching anime together while eating leftovers, discussing what type of pandas is the best, trying to stop themselves from crying on movie nights, therapy session through the bathroom door...

“No no, you don’t have to aah…” Rasmus cut his words, yawning loudly. “Apologize. You don’t have to apologize.”

“Well, I don’t know what you plan on doing at this hour. I was going to water our plants and maybe play some Mortal Kombat later,” Slovene replied, finally closing the window.

“ _ Our  _ plants? I thought only I took care of them! I mean, it’s not really their watering time right now, but thanks for the favor!”

Mihael giggled in response, taking a walk to the small bathroom next to the room they slept in, only to grab some water and fix his hair a bit. And, in a second after, he found himself applying water to the mesmerizing flowers in pots, standing on the floor, some even on the window sill. He had to crouch a little, so he won’t spill a single drop of water while watering the big dracaenas. All the small petals of orchids and tall dragon tree leaves were a small blessing for Rasmus. The blossom they kept deep inside filled him with some kind of hope. Similar to happiness, if he only knew this feeling well. Since nobody wished him a good future, he could wish the best for his little plant children. Keeping plants was his passion and nothing could take it away from him… except for all the events that happened in his life before. Happily, as he lived only with Mihael by his side, nothing could stop him. Gardening was soothing. It was an embrace. So soft. Relaxing all the nerves. Like a calm “breathe in - breathe out”. Without worries. Ignoring the situations when all of a sudden, a bad memory hit his brain and he tried to forget about it, heavily breathing and closing his eyes, praying for the memory to go away. Didn’t matter.

“We’ll have to move out of here soon, you know…” Rasmus declared with a timid, quite worried voice, crawling out of the bed and fixing his shirt to breathe some more. He rubbed his eyes, bringing himself to some level of consciousness.

The Slovene shrugged, and with an optimistic smile, he answered his words jokingly:

“Oh come on, we’ll just find a new room to live in like we always do. You’re supposed to be the optimistic one out of us two.”

“I know, I know. It’s just that… this is the best room we’ve lived in so far and it’ll be hard to leave. The bed is so comfyyy… can’t your therapist find another pair of nice old people so we can rent an extra room in their house?”

Mihael thought for a while about the things his friend said. For some time already, they had been constantly moving their places. Well - since the moment Mihael took his childhood friend Rasmus under his wings. They both knew they suffered in the past. There was some kind of a bridge in between them. The tips of their fingers, first scared of anyone’s touch, learned to connect so well. The emptiness of their souls was the string that bound them together. Since then, they lived a life full of traveling from place to place and sharing one bed as roommates. If it wasn't for each other, they would never get help with all their struggles they didn't want to admit out loud. They didn't even know they had the same mindset. They thought nobody would hold them up and fix their wings so they could fly again because they were already hopeless and weak. Knowing that both of them are birds who lack feathers helped them build more colorful, solid wings. They weren't ready to fly yet, but they knew they would fly together one day.

“I’m afraid she won’t be able to do this. And you reminded me to call her about the thing on Thursday, I don't know if she checked me on the appointment list for this month,” Mihael replied after quite a long break for thinking. Or rather - bringing back the images he wasn't sure if he wanted to see.

Standing next to the window, beyond the corner of his eye, he observed as Rasmus took his shirt off and picked a new one out of his little clothing bag - but he pretended he didn’t see that.

“At least I’m glad you have her, you can get some professional help. And she gave us this cool room to live in. I mean sure, you can’t play the piano in here because of the cute old couple downstairs, that’s quite a pity, but look at all the plants! Amazing, aren’t they?” Rasmus stated with a note of excitement in his voice, pulling a white t-shirt through his neck. 

“There’s only one bed though.”

“Have you ever complained?”

Both men chuckled, leaving room for an awkward atmosphere to settle down. No, Mehle did not complain. Ever. At first, he was ashamed to say anything. Sometimes he would wake up at night and sleep on the floor. As much as it still bugged him, his roommate was kind enough to make as much space in between them as it is possible. God bless Rassie and his basic amount of human decency.

“We still have a week left in this house. We gotta plan something right now,” Mihael declared, changing his tone to a more deliberate one. Lacing his hands, he sat cross-legged on the bed again, keeping his eyes strictly on his friend.

Rasmus looked at the ceiling for a bit. His mind tried to come clear, searching for any plan. Unsuccessfully. He already got used to living on the edge, relying on opportunities and careless behavior. Of his previous boyfriend. He thought he was never going to escape that life, full of partying, dangerous decisions, getting beaten to the point of unconsciousness “for love”, feeling forced to do everything “for love”, fake apologies “for love” that never brought any change, and no actual love. Despite his biggest attempts, Rasmus had always known there was no love in that relationship. Only Larsson's enjoyment in exploiting Winther's vulnerability. Rasmus was sure it was high time he had run away… but he was sure there was no escape. Martin left bruises. He wanted to leave bruises and watch as they become violet, bleeding. He made sure such a fragile heart like Rasmus's was left destroyed, without a sense of feeling loved and worthy. Rasmus felt like he wasn't enough anymore, he thought it's his fault because if he had been enough, none of this would have happened. Then, he ran into Mihael. He realized both of them were like a constantly bleeding wound, hurt by the ones they used to have trust in. And now, they have to combat forces to live together. Rasmus knew it was the right choice. The safest choice. And as they became closer and closer, he realized how safe he can be in someone else's arms. Of course, they weren't willing to bring each other very close. The most important thing at that moment was to forget.

"You know I can live anywhere, as long as I live with you," The Dane said, the manner of his words as sweet as flower nectar.

Mihael looked upon him. They exchanged innocent smiles, affection screaming through their eye contact in a meaningful moment of quietness. The comfortable silences were one of the things the Slovene enjoyed about their friendship the most. Even the eye contact, which was a horrible thing for Mihael, felt like a warm gift from fate. Finally, someone's eyes weren't terrifying. Finally, they didn't raise his pulse, causing him to look down as quickly as possible. A relief if he knows one.

"Oh Ras… We have to talk about it sooner or later."

Winther's smile turned into a suppressed blush, as he looked down to hide it. He wanted to hear that nickname again, played by the delightful instrument of Mihael's sleepy, shaky voice, but he had to focus on a much more important subject. Still, the word "Ras'' marked itself in his head and it won't disappear for a long, long time.

"Then I choose later, we still have a week. You know, you can always teach kids piano and I can be a barista or a florist. What else do we have to do? We both dropped out of uni, maybe in the next life, we can be lawyers or something like that. Or League of Legends pro players! How cool would that be, huh?"

"Suuure… You're just gonna run away from the issue," Mihael tried his best to hold himself from quoting his therapist. Failed miserably. He relied too much on her great words. Or was that the fear of her abandoning him, knowing he barely had anyone to turn to in the moments of weakness?

Rasmus sat on the bed in front of Mihael, opposing him and copying the motion of his hand.

"No, it's just that… I know we have to change something in ourselves. I know we won't last long in a situation like this, but I don't wanna think about it! I like to stay in the moment, look at everything… and cherish it. I'm glad I have anyone, absolutely anyone, I'm glad it's you, you know that you're an amazing person... I think I'll stop here, you already know what I want to say. We need some change in our life, that's it," He explained, getting lost in what he was trying to say, almost spitting some saliva.

The emotions took control of his speech when all the graceful words came out of his mouth. He knew Mihael hated compliments. He hated lovely things said about him, the constant fondness aimed at him, nicknames given to him. He didn't want people to fall for him, give him all the sympathy and attention. It happened once. He begged for this to never happen again - just in case it ends just like it ended with Marcin.

So he shook his head, seeing how Rasmus stops himself at such an important boundary for him. It felt like a gift. The best one he had ever gotten. No material things could replace the feeling of safety.

"So can we just sit here together and watch the view?" Winther asked, his voice trembling a little.

Mihael, without a word on his lips at first, got up and separated the curtains. The countryside revealed itself outside the glass pane. The sun almost immediately attacked both men’s eyes, but it only took a while for it to be covered by the grey, dense clouds.

“C’mere, Ras.”

The tender sound of Mihael’s whisper reminded Rasmus why life is a wonderful miracle.

The older man made his way onto the bed, sneaking into the younger’s lap. Facing him from the back, he laid his head on his thigh. Releasing every last bit of stress and doubt that was pent up in Rasmus, Mihael comforted himself on his friend’s bare skin. They both glanced at the hill full of tall trees, slender branches dancing to the melody of the wind, slowly gaining back their magnificent green leaf crowns. Flowerbeds started to bloom again. A small hare jumped its way through the trees. Spring came around once again, being a chance for nature's rebirth. Once again, the circle of seasons had begun. A small path, leading to the heart of the forest somewhere far, far away. They absolutely had to go on a walk there before they left this place. The sky filled itself with more and more pale blue dashes and shades, as the morning came along. Everything flowed in peace, perfectly in sync with Mehle’s heartbeat, that Winther could sense in some way. He felt it deeply in his own heart, like a sign for something. The invisible string that connected these two tightened itself. He deepened his sight into the sun, mystically hidden with clouds. If there was a burst of sunshine, shining brightly in his life at every given time, it certainly was Mihael’s smile.

“You’ll never get tired of this view, won’t you?” Mihael asked, his voice so pleasingly devoted to the moment.

“Of course I won’t, it’s beautiful,” Rasmus’s hand slid down to Slovene’s dark hair, ruffling it a little, messing with the soft sensation it was. “Is it okay if I… hold your hand?”

Replying  _ yes, please  _ to that kind offer, Mihael got his head up and sat even closer to Winther’s hips, now leaning more on his chest. It was quite a daring step for him and he could feel his face getting red and hot. Their hands caught each other a little clumsily, for the first time forever. They shared the warmth of their bodies, detoxicating each other. Seconds felt like a lifetime. None of them were sure how to exactly do it. Were they doing this properly? Wasn't that… a little weird of best friends to do that? Mihael dismissed that thought in his head. He finally found a person who is priceless to him. He could never be sure how their story ends, but he wanted to follow his friend's advice and cherish what happened right there and right then. He wanted to find out if Rasmus was the medicine to how pathetically loathsome he felt in his body, and maybe, in the place of the old, repellent fingertips, there would soon appear new ones. Rasmus had something to believe in, too. He believed in a spring-like this to come again. Every morning. Because Mihael was a faithful sparkle in all the inhumanity Rasmus went through. He was happy he stayed alive long enough to bond with him so much. And together, they'll go through changes. This spring. He promised.

“Hey, Mihael… You know you’re the one I’ve always wished for?”

“You’re the one I don’t deserve.”


End file.
